People do things for two reasons, because they want to (motivation) and because they can (ability).
Who you’re with his how you act.
Parenting at this stage in life (an adult child) becomes more about influence. Knowing how to leverage the levers of influence can be your strongest ally.
Imagine that holding conversations is like flying a plane. The goal of flight is to safely get where you are going. There's a lot that goes into that process, but passengers rightfully place emphasis on the landing. A poor landing can ruin the best of experiences. When stepping up to difficult conversations we worry how the message will 'land.' How will they receive it? What will the impact be on our relationship? (Etc.).... a good landing starts with a good approach....When building a framework for you conversation sequence, consider the following. WHAT YOU WANT When confronted with difficult situations, our motives...can quickly deteriorate and then our behaviors morph to match.....(Before having a difficult conversation) begin by asking yourself, 'What do I really want -' For myself? For (the other person in the conversation)? For our relationship? Notice the distinction between 'for' and 'from.' Often when we answer the question 'What do I really want?' we answer with, 'I want them to change.'... Look beyond the short and one-sided motives. Focus more on long-term results and the relationship (with the other person). Managing your altitude (read attitude) by managing your motives can help secure a safe landing even amidst the toughest of elements.... Once your intent is right, begin the conversation by sharing your intent with (the other person). Not only will it calm any potential emotion on your end, but it will help create safety for (the other person) to join you in the conversation." WHAT YOU SAY The success of your conversation landing will largely depend on how you begin the conversation. Knowing your intentions and sharing them...will certainly help. But you need to make sure you share your views in a way that invites dialogue. Begin by describing the gap between what you are expecting and what is actually happening....Then invite (the other person) into the dialogue by asking him to share his perspective. Ask him about his plans...." WHAT YOU SAY Gauge the situation (as the conversation progresses) by listening to (the other person) and letting his answers guide your landing. Our tendency when listening is not to really listen at all. We often listen with the intent to respond. While others are speaking, we re crafting our next clever comment. Challenge yourself to carry on the conversation without input, anecdotes, correction, criticism, or counsel. Just keep asking clarifying questions. Just learn. One question may open the floodgates, but it may take several questions. As (the other person) shares, continue the journey by responding to his answers with questions that begin with: How will that...? What will that...?" Or why will that...? We achieve a conversational 'safe landing' when all parties are engaged in dialogue. Dialogue is the key to finding solutions and getting results. And, with the right approach, you can strengthen your relationship in the process."
We experience conflict when we perceive a threat to our sense of self or our values. In other words, conflict reveals values.
The key to managing ... conflict in the moment is in the understanding of the motives and emotions that people are experiencing during the conflict.
But the key to getting past that and truly resolving conflict is in understanding what triggered the conflict in the first place. Conflict triggers reveal what matters to us – and we are most often triggered when something goes against our values. This is why we say that conflict can reveal values. We only go into conflict about things that are important to us.
I’ve heard it said that we teach others how to treat us. How we deal with accountability issues sets a precedent for future encounters.
What is the most important part of a puzzle? Most people say the edges. ... I would argue, however, that the edges aren’t the most important. The most important part of the puzzle is the picture on the box. Have you ever tried putting together a puzzle without the picture? It can be maddening. If you’re working on a puzzle with others you may find yourself fighting for the box. It’s nearly impossible to put the puzzle together when you can’t see the finished product.
Our tendency when listening is not to really listen at all. We often listen with the intent to respond. While others are speaking, we are crafting our next clever comment. Challenge yourself to carry on the conversation without input, anecdotes, correction, criticism, or counsel. Just keep asking clarifying questions. Just learn.
It seems that when it matters most, we are often at our worst. As parents, we let our emotions get the best of us and we end up behaving in ways that are completely contrary to our good motives. And when we reflect on “What do I really want?” we often amend the question with the following words: from them. This approach is limiting. Our motive can’t be merely to have the other person change. We are better to reflect on what we really want for them. This is a stronger motive and one that will encourage dialogue and not provoke emotion.
Leadership is more than a title, it’s a mindset.
Great leaders have great vision—the ability to see situations clearly and the impact these situations will have on future outcomes. Often, for many reasons, leaders suffer from impaired vision. Some leaders are nearsighted, having the ability to see objectives and situations that are close. Others are farsighted and can properly see objectives that are far away. When it comes to accountability, the goal of every leader should be twenty-twenty vision. We should be able to see each situation for its ability to impact objectives that are both near and far.
People do things for two reasons, because they want to (motivation) and because they can (ability). 