Robin Williams Quotes - 28 quotes

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Robin Williams

Robin Williams (1951-2014) was an American comedian and actor celebrated for his improvisational skills and diverse film performances. He was born on July 21, 1951, in Chicago, Illinois. Williams grew up in a family that moved frequently due to his father's job. He studied political science at Clar... show more

quote icon Williams: I keep adjusting over here. Carson: Yeah, well, this is a nice outfit. Williams: Yeah, somewhere there is a car seat real envious. "Man, you got my car seat. Come back here with that."

- Robin Williams

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quote icon Believe that comedy can heal you. Praise the power! And Sears had a sale, this furniture went cheap!

- Robin Williams

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quote icon Carson: You speaking at first when you have no children? Williams: No sir. Not that I know of. None that have gone (in a child voice) "Are you Mr. Williams? Yes. You're my daddy! And you owe me, lets see by present account, eight million dollars! I'm not Mr. Williams anymore.

- Robin Williams

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quote icon I can see it tomorrow in the National Enquirer. He's gone. We knew he'd do it. I don't know, National Enquirer though. You and I both love that magazine. You know the strange thing is, I put it in the cat box, and the cat won't go in there. You're telling me a little cat, he's sitting there, his little eyes go "Why? That'd be redundant." Carson: You got it right. Really high class paper. Williams: Yeah, "Lose weight after death. Exciting new diet!"

- Robin Williams

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quote icon (Messing with the audience) Hello. How are you? A little bandanna. Hold on. Oh look now the people in the bank recognize you!

- Robin Williams

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quote icon (Messing with the audience) Oh, we're just gonna work on this (woman's hair). We're gonna tease it a little.

- Robin Williams

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quote icon It's weird. In California this summer, all the state parks caught on fire. Which is sad, because these parks are full of weed! It's bad news. It's like, even the guys fighting the fires are like laughing.

- Robin Williams

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quote icon You know the difference between a tornado and divorce in the south? Nothing. Someone's losing their trailer, number 1...

- Robin Williams

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quote icon People always complain about their phones. They're saying like you know, I've only got two bars. Listen, I'm an alcoholic. All I've ever needed was one bar.

- Robin Williams

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quote icon If you go to France there is no SIRI, because maybe they have their own. They have "Chéri". You go "Chéri, where is the nearest good restaurant." ... It's Paris you idiot! They're everywhere. Put down your digital device, go outside and live your life you American *******!

- Robin Williams

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quote icon I have a new application on my phone. It's a moral GPS. It's kind of cool. "The girl you're texting is the same age as your daughter... Re-route."

- Robin Williams

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quote icon If you ever want to be in an Indian video try this, you have to just simply do this: change the lightbulb, change the lightbulb, change the lightbulb,

- Robin Williams

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quote icon I've been nominated twice. It's so nice to watch somebody else win. When they read the name and they go "And the winner for best actor is...someone other than you." And you sit there and they keep the camera on you, and you're supposed to go like "I'm so happy!" I mean wouldn't it be nice if you could be really truthful and go "Ahhhhhhh!"

- Robin Williams

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quote icon Yeah, I was a football player in high school. I was so bad they asked me to play another sport real quick. I was a triple threat man. I was slow, small, and white which is a great thing. "Throw it to him, he's so good. How do you block him? Bing (flick a finger) out of the way.

- Robin Williams

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quote icon Well, I guess the Philippine elections are today, and they should be very close. I guess he'll be going "Okay, here's one for me. And this one looks like me too!" Mr. Marcos do you have a war record? "Yes, I would like to play it for you right now." As far as a strange thing, they always ask him "basically is your whole congress, is it a puppet dictatorship? "(hand speaking like a puppet) Not at all." See, they believe you. "(hand speaking like a puppet) Easy for him to say, yes." Say the word Democracy. "(hand speaking like a puppet) Easy for you to say."

- Robin Williams

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quote icon You have to be careful walking in West Hollywood. The police are different now. It's like "Stop! Those shoes don't go with that shirt!" Fine, fine. "Take them out, get something different. Salmon, Salmon. Put something in Salmon."

- Robin Williams

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quote icon He (Schwarzenegger) is very much about immigration. And Arnold what do you want to do to solve immigration? "I want to build a wall." Even the Chinese are going "That will not work. Who you gonna get to build it? Irish and Chinese? Who you gonna get to build it? They'll only go around the wall you know." A couple of East German people going "There, we can dig under it for you."

- Robin Williams

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quote icon Letterman: You have a son who is actually now graduated college. That correct? Williams: Graduated with a degree in linguistics. Which, I know. Even I'm going wow! "Your Ma and I are so proud about you. You can repair a sentence at any time. You know what syntax is!"

- Robin Williams

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quote icon Conan O'Brian: Have your kids seen your standup that you're doing right now? Williams: Yes. It's very interesting. My 10 year old saw it and said "You have to set limits." Which was good. Yeah, yeah, it's basically thank you my tiny Mormon.

- Robin Williams

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quote icon We had the honeymoon suite at Notre Dame. Come up here we go right now (playing a hunchback). Don't be afraid. If you need anything just right the bell.

- Robin Williams

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quote icon Restaurants in Paris are wonderful. I went to a tiny little restaurant, had five tables. At one of the tables there were two couples and a cat sitting eating dinner. Even the cat is going "try the mouse, it's fabulous." It's crazy, and then at the end of the meal (cough up a furball)... Again.

- Robin Williams

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quote icon Craig Ferguson: Well, see, everybody thinks they're funny. Though. Everybody thinks they have got a sense of humor. That's the problem. Even people that don't have a sense of humor they go "that's not funny". You go "Yes it's funny." Robin Williams: No, no, no. Craig Ferguson: I know funny, I'm German. Robin Williams: "Knock, knock"... We ask the questions!

- Robin Williams

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quote icon I love it when you get off the plane in London. The English paparazzi are always there going "Wobin. Hello Wobin." I go "When did Elmer Fudd land here!"

- Robin Williams

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quote icon Is there a thing like a positive Tourette's? I know sometimes in the negative traits like the people say things like ****. Yeah but is there a positive Tourette's where someone goes like (shouting) "Those pants are slimming! Your eyes are amazing! You're very attractive!"

- Robin Williams

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quote icon When Thanksgiving is coming up, do you think that's the rapture for turkeys? That every year they go "Get ready! Some of us are leaving." And then the ones that don't get taken up are are like "ahhhgg. goble goble".

- Robin Williams

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quote icon And if he (Ollie North) did do time, if he ever went away, he'd go away to some designer prison. Some Club Fed. All of the sudden the lights dim "Rhiona's getting electrolysis! You call this quiche warden? This is al dente!"

- Robin Williams

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quote icon You're only given a little spark of madness, and if you lose that, you're nothing.

- Robin Williams

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quote icon What's right is what's left if you do everything else wrong.

- Robin Williams

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