Talk about possibilities versus probabilities. That can help them calm their worries.
As mothers one of our big go-to’s when it comes to shame is “I’m not a good mom.” And we need to back off that a little bit. We all have emotions. We’re all going to feel things. We all have agency. But how do we respond? Understand that your children are going to learn from these experiences. We don’t have to “own it” ourselves or think, “I’m a bad parent because they’re depressed” or “I’m a bad parent because they’re anxious.” Back off of that and say, “Okay, so what are we going to do with that?”
I think our tendency when our kids are suffering is to go easy on them and give them whatever we think they need, but what they really need is consistency so they can feel safe. Rules are a form of love. And in the world where there’s chaos and everything feels out of control for a little kid, setting those expectations and ensuring that they can consistently rely on you for rules and consequences is important.