The size of a man may be measured by the size of the things that make him angry.
What do various expressions of anger have in common? They all say one thing: You are not following my rules for the universe.
But anger is not effective. Anger does not motivate the kind of change we want. Sure, we may get compliance. The girl may push clothes into the closet and the boy may hide his thievery. But we don’t win cooperation. We don’t change hearts. Quite the opposite. We injure hearts. We create distance and resentment. It sends a message that I value you only when you do things my way.
Research clearly shows that anger is bad for our health; it multiplies our health risks. It is also bad for our relationships; it hurts and insults the people who matter most to us. Anger also makes us into fools: it narrows our thinking and shuts off our compassion. Most of us don’t do our best work when our hearts and minds are shut down and our souls are guided by reptilian responses. As a prominent researcher on anger exclaims: “Anger kills!”
Because we have automated our anger, we usually don’t recognize that anger is not a necessary reaction to any situation. It is the result of our interpretation. We may not recognize that we can actually forego anger. We can choose not to be mad. For example, we have forgiven careless words because they came from well-meaning friends. We let a person crowd into traffic because we felt gracious and maybe we liked them.
Maybe the boy was just forgetful. But when we get angry, we see only one thing: the offence. We lose the broader view that might help us understand what else is happening in the other person’s life. Instead of seeing a child who makes mistakes and faces struggles, we see an insurgent, a problem, a nuisance. We have neither understanding nor compassion for the offender.
What do we do to prevent anger from taking us hostage? A little reflection will tell you what works for you. Consider the following: 1. We can keep peace and compassion in our hearts. What helps you to push nagging discontent from your soul? What brings you peace? 2. We can recognize irritation as an invitation to set aside our agenda and enter the mind and heart of the person who is irritating us. How can you program yourself to react differently to irritation? 3. We can think how we would respond to Jesus. How can you see Jesus in every person? 4. We can pray for heavenly mercy. “O Jesus, thou Son of God, have mercy on me.” Find ways to reprogram your mind and heart so that anger has no place in your soul.