You tumbled into my heart I fell hopelessly in love with you from the first time I spied your tiny eyes Awe and terror that something so precious that smelled so pure could be given into my care I long to know that I have done good enough I wanted so much to do it perfectly to mother you as I was never mothered give you the life I had always dreamed But real life and my humanness got in the way If I find fault, it is not criticism of you but my own guilt at my own failings That I could save you from the fire of your own life that my struggle could take away yours and my suffering could protect you from pain All I can do is admire you admire you into your life Rejoice in you, everything Watch breath-taken as you create your world Forgive me for my mistakes Honour me for doing the best that I could Share with me all the worlds you find and come back to me in the spaces between
Being numb is to be invisible Asleep to yourself and any kind of promise Choosing to feel nothing is sometimes the best you can do Being afraid is better than being numb But being afraid slowly drains the life right out of you until all that is left is something small Nobody can see in It’s still better than the nothingness Feeling angry is bigger and better than being afraid But being angry is exhausting and scares the chickens But at least you feel you are alive at least something is happening at least it’s a start Even if it spills out at least people know you’re there And somewhere after numb somewhere between the fear and the dread through the fury and the madness A real life begins Courage to move out of the numbness ignoring the sirens, the alarm bells the signposts warning of danger Courage to be scared Courage to grow big enough to hold the rage Courage to forgive Courage to take your life back from the past Claiming This is now This is mine