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The Practice: Accept Them As They Are.
Pick someone who is important to you. (You can do this practice with multiple people.) In your mind, out loud, or in writing, say things like these and see how you feel:
""I accept you completely. Countless causes, large and small, have led you to think, speak, and act the way you do. You are who you are. I let it be. You are a fact and I accept the facts in my life. You and I are part of a larger whole that is what it is, and I accept it, too.""
If you like, be more specific, naming aspects of this person that particularly bother you, such as: ""I accept that you . . . snore . . . leave your clothes on the floor . . . are still angry with me . . . have little natural interest in sex . . .. . . don't really understand me . . . are not a good teacher for my child . . . break the law . . . hurt people on a large scale . . .""
(And remember that you can still disagree with, make requests of, or stand up to other people – while accepting them fully.)
See if you can tolerate what comes up for you when you soften into acceptance.
Often, we avoid accepting other people as a way to avoid the feelings we'd have if we opened wide to everything they are and everything they're not.
Consider how you have gotten tangled up with this other person, struggling to change them. When I do this myself, I become aware of my own rightness, positionality, judgments, pushiness, irritability, narrow views, hurts, longings, grievances, or remorse.
See if you can let go of some, even all of these entanglements. Open to the easing, relief, and peace that can come when you do.
Also consider how much you like it when you feel that another person accepts you completely. It's a beautiful gift – and we can give it ourselves to others when we accept them. Imagine how it might improve your relationship with someone if that person felt you accepted him or her fully. Acceptance is a gift that gives back.— Rick Hanson
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