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We show love to those we love by doing what they consider loving, not necessarily by what we consider loving. A young man once called my radio show and told me he was not planning to give his girlfriend flowers or even a card, or to do anything special for her on Valentine’s Day. His reason was that he considered Valentine’s Day a creation of American capitalism — just another way to sell cards, flowers and gift items and increase companies’ profits. I asked him if his girlfriend agreed with him about the insignificance of Valentine’s Day. He said she didn’t, that, in fact, she thought it important that he do something special for her on Valentine’s Day.
I then asked him if he considered birthdays special and expected his girlfriend to do or get something special for him on his birthday. He said he did. How would he react, I then asked, if his girlfriend dismissed the significance of birthdays the way he dismissed the importance of Valentine’s Day and ignored his birthday? He acknowledged that he would be hurt.
Just as his girlfriend should make his birthday special whether or not she believes in the importance of birthdays, he should make Valentine’s Day special for her whether or not he deems the day special. We show love to the other in the way he or she understands it, not the way we do.Share
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