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Of course, a tree or a rock or an orange has never lied to anyone, either. A paper towel has never cut me off in traffic. A pair of shoes has never taken too long ordering food in the drive thru while I'm starving to death a few cars behind. A box of crayons has never texted in a movie theater. A dandelion has never deleted the show I had saved on the DVR. Plants, animals, and inanimate objects have never committed any evil acts at all, because they are not capable of committing evil acts. It is not a mushroom's superior virtue that prevents it from becoming a terrorist; it is the fact that it's a mushroom. Your dog cannot hurt you like your brother can hurt you, because he is a dog. It's not that he's making better moral choices than the humans in your life, it's that he's not making any moral choices at all.— Matt Walsh
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