Keep looking below surface appearances. Don't shrink from doing so (just) because you might not like what you find.
Natural languages, such as English are inherently ambiguous. "This is why the United States tax code is 3.4 million words long, but lawyers can still spend years arguing over what it really means."
Some find the doctrines of the omniscience and foreknowledge of God troubling because these seem, in some way, to constrict their individual agency. This concern springs out of a failure to distinguish between how it is that God knows with perfection what is to come butthat we do not know, thus letting a very clear and simple doctrine get obscured by our own finite view of things. Personality patterns, habits, strengths, and weaknesses observed by God over a long period in the premortal world would give God a perfect understanding of what we would do under a given set of circumstances—especially when He knows the circumstances to come. Just because we cannot compute all the variables, just because we cannot extrapolate does not mean that He cannot do so. Omniscience is, of course, one of the essences of Godhood; it sets Him apart in such an awesome way from all of us even though, on a smaller scale, we manage to do a little foreseeing ourselves at times with our own children even with our rather finite and imperfect minds.
Ever to be emphasized, however, is the reality that God's "seeing" is not the samething as His "causing" something to happen.
We must not approach God as if He were somehow constrained by finite knowledge and by time. A useful and illustrative episode is the one involving the prophet Elisha and his young manservant. The prophet could see that a surrounded Israel need not fear. (2 Kings 6:15-17.) The alarmed younger man had to have his eyes opened, however, so he too could see that while the mountain was hostilely compassed about with horses and chariots of the enemy, it was also filled with horses and chariots of fire. Thus, even though the prophet said to the young man, "Fear not: for they that be with us are more than they that be with them," he was still puzzled and doubting. Only when his eyes were opened could he see the reassuring reality. Often, so it is with us. We see dimly, or, as Paul said, "through a glass, darkly." (1 Corinthians Such is the relevance of seers. Such is the role of faith. In a very real sense, all we need to know is that God knows all!
He that refuseth instruction despiseth his own soul: but he that heareth reproof getteth understanding." (Proverbs 15:32. Italics added.)
Perhaps our difficulties with receiving justified reproof stem from our thinking of love as being all sweetness. Love surely includes sweetness. But love must sometimes be tough love, sinew as well as sweetness. So it is with loving communication also.
If our efforts to communicate with someone are tied to their role rather than our regard for them, these efforts will not survive when that individual's role changes. If our friendship is a matter of function, what do we do when the function is changed or dissolved—cease caring? This is a bigger block to communication than we may care to acknowledge. While the blocks that seem to get in the way of brotherly communication include the obvious, much restraint no doubt reflects the fact that communication is not risk-free. Communication opens the windows of our soul—and what is inside will be seen. Communication, of course, needs to take careful account of the realities of our mortal relationships in order to avoid errors.
One can pray and yet not really pray. Prayers can be routinized and made very superficial. When this happens, there is very little communication and very little growth. Yet, given the times in which we live, improving our prayers should be one of our deepest desires if we are genuinely serious about growing spiritually. Prayer may not be a hard doctrine, but it can be a very deep and soul-satisfying experience. It is the means by which we can draw close to our Heavenly Father and understand better His deep doctrines.
Jesus' tutoring but disapproving response was: "Ye know not what ye ask." (Matthew 20:22.) Clearly, when our prayers are uninspired, we petition for things we should not ask for, even though we do so innocently. This is, in effect, what we do when we pray and "ask amiss." (James 4:3.) When we ask amiss, God, being perfect, must reject our petitions: "And whatsoever ye shall ask the Father in my name, which is right, believing that ye shall receive, behold it shall be given unto you." (3 Nephi 18:20. Italics added.) The task is to draw close enough to the Lord that we progress to the point where we petition Him according to His will, not ours. "And this is the confidence that we have in him, that, if we ask any thing according to his will, he heareth us." (1 John 5:14.) In modern revelations the Lord has declared His willingness to grant us the requests contained in our petitions if what we ask for is expedient for us. (D&C 88:64-65.) When we become sufficiently purified and cleansed from sin, we can ask what we will in the name of Jesus "and it shall be done." (D&C 50:29.) The Lord even promises us that when one reaches a certain spiritual condition, "it shall be given you what you shall ask." (D&C 50:30.)
When we pray, we are not conveying any information to God that He does not already have. Nor, when we confess our sins before Him, is it news to Him that we have misbehaved. It is vital, therefore, that we open our souls to Him and tell Him what our concerns are now, as well as acknowledge what we now are, for this is a part of the process of aligning ourselves with His will. We cannot, for the purposes of real prayer, hurriedly dress our words and attitudes in tuxedos when our shabby life is in rags. More than we realize, being honest with God in our prayers helps us to be more honest with ourselves. Furthermore, some of us actually feel we are too good for a petitionary prayer, especially when life is going reasonably well. It is part of our childish resentment of our dependency on God. We are also sometimes too proud to pray over small things, and thus we get out of practice. Then the moment of agony comes.
As to the questions asked—even by faithful Saints—such as, "If what is going to happen is 'all set,' why pray?," the answer is that God foresees, but He does not compromise our agency. All the outcomes are not, for our purposes, "all set." True, God's foreseeing includes our prayers, our fasting, our faith, and the results that will thereby be achieved. But until our mortal actions occur and our decisions are made, things are not "all set." The Father foresaw the Atonement, but the Atonement was not wrought until the very moment of Christ's death when He gave up His spirit, which He had the power to retain.
The time will come when we will thank Him for saying no to us with regard to some of our petitions. Happily, God in His omniscience can distinguish between our surface needs (over which we often pray most fervently) and our deep and eternal needs. He can distinguish what we ask for today and place it in relationship to what we need for all eternity. He will bless us, according to our everlasting good, if we are righteous.
To use the supposed errors of others, including those of the Brethren, as an excuse for our lessened devotion is a most grave error! All of us are in the process of becoming—including prophets and General Authorities.
There are even those who refuse to follow the Brethren because these individuals have overidentified with a single doctrine, principle, or practice; sadly, they exclude all other counsel, which leads to a dangerous spiritual imbalance. The difficulty with such individuals is that they have a strange sense of justification about that which they are doing. In their intensity they lack, of course, the spiritual symmetry that comes from pursuing, in a balanced way, all the commandments of God. These individuals are so hardened in their devotion to one thing that they are unable to follow the Brethren in all things. It is as if the adversary, upon seeing someone get religious, skillfully deflects their devotion so that it becomes a damaging and not a developing thing. We are responsible for our reactions when we see imperfections in others.
We may, therefore, see the imperfections in leaders in the Church. How we react to these manifestations of mortality is the key to our salvation—not theirs!
It is strange that when one is remodeling a portion of his house, he expects visitors to be tolerant of improvements that are so obviously underway. Yet while one is remodeling his character, we often feel obligated to call attention to the messy signs of remodeling, or feel called upon to remember aloud things as they were. Forgetting is such a necessary part of forgiving.
Empathy is simply listening, holding space, withholding judgment, emotionally connecting, and communicating that incredibly healing message of- you're not alone.
May all places be held sacred. May all beings be cherished. May all injustices of oppression and devaluation be fully righted, remedied and healed. May all who are captured by hatred be freed to the love that is our birthright. May all who are bound by fear discover the safety of understanding. May all who are weighed down by grief be given over to the joy of being. May all who are lost in delusion find a home on the path of wisdom. May all wounds to forests, rivers, deserts, oceans, all wounds to Mother Earth be lovingly restored to bountiful health. May all beings everywhere delight in whale song, birdsong, and blue sky. May all beings abide in peace and well-being, awaken and be free.
The Practice: Accept Them As They Are. Pick someone who is important to you. (You can do this practice with multiple people.) In your mind, out loud, or in writing, say things like these and see how you feel: ""I accept you completely. Countless causes, large and small, have led you to think, speak, and act the way you do. You are who you are. I let it be. You are a fact and I accept the facts in my life. You and I are part of a larger whole that is what it is, and I accept it, too."" If you like, be more specific, naming aspects of this person that particularly bother you, such as: ""I accept that you . . . snore . . . leave your clothes on the floor . . . are still angry with me . . . have little natural interest in sex . . .. . . don't really understand me . . . are not a good teacher for my child . . . break the law . . . hurt people on a large scale . . ."" (And remember that you can still disagree with, make requests of, or stand up to other people – while accepting them fully.) See if you can tolerate what comes up for you when you soften into acceptance. Often, we avoid accepting other people as a way to avoid the feelings we'd have if we opened wide to everything they are and everything they're not. Consider how you have gotten tangled up with this other person, struggling to change them. When I do this myself, I become aware of my own rightness, positionality, judgments, pushiness, irritability, narrow views, hurts, longings, grievances, or remorse. See if you can let go of some, even all of these entanglements. Open to the easing, relief, and peace that can come when you do. Also consider how much you like it when you feel that another person accepts you completely. It's a beautiful gift – and we can give it ourselves to others when we accept them. Imagine how it might improve your relationship with someone if that person felt you accepted him or her fully. Acceptance is a gift that gives back.
In what ways do you wish that people were different? Think about the people close to you – friends, family, mates – as well co-workers, drivers on the highway, business-people, media types, politicians, and world leaders. Think about people who are not doing their share of housework, not getting you the healthcare you need, promoting political policies that you dislike if not despise, etc., etc. It's normal to wish that others were different, just like it's normal to wish that you, yourself, were different (e.g., thinner, richer, wiser). It's fine to try to influence others in skillful, ethical ways.But problems come when we tip into righteousness, resistance, anger, fault-finding, badgering, or any other kind of struggle. Instead, we could accept them for who they are and for who they are not. Accepting people does not itself mean agreeing with them, approving of them, waiving your own rights, or downplaying their impact upon you. You can still take appropriate actions to protect or support yourself or others. Or you can simply let people be. Either way, you accept the reality of the other person. You may not like it, you may not prefer it, you may feel sad or angry about it, but at a deeper level, you are at peace with it. That alone is a blessing. And sometimes, your shift to acceptance can help things get better. Activity/Reflection Pick someone who is important to you. (You can do this practice with multiple people.) In your mind, out loud, or in writing, say things like these and see how you feel: ""I accept you completely. Countless causes, large and small, have led you to think, speak, and act the way you do. You are who you are. I let it be. You are a fact and I accept the facts in my life. You and I are part of a larger whole that is what it is, and I accept it, too."" If you like, be more specific, naming aspects of this person that particularly bother you, such as: ""I accept that you . . . snore . . . leave your clothes on the floor . . . are still angry with me . . . have little natural interest in sex . . . are fighting me tooth-and-nail in this divorce . . . don’t really understand me . . . are not a good teacher for my child . . . break the law . . . hurt people on a large scale . . ."" (And remember that you can still disagree with, make requests of, or stand up to other people – while accepting them fully.) See if you can tolerate what comes up for you when you soften into acceptance. Often we avoid accepting other people as a way to avoid the feelings we’d have if we opened wide to everything they are and everything they’re not. Consider how you have gotten tangled up with this other person, struggling to change them. When I do this myself, I become aware of my own rightness, positionality, judgments, pushiness, irritability, narrow views, hurts, longings, grievances, or remorse. See if you can let go of some, even all of these entanglements. Open to the easing, relief, and peace that can come when you do. Also consider how much you like it when you feel that another person accepts you completely. It’s a beautiful gift – and we can give it ourselves to others when we accept them. Imagine how it might improve your relationship with someone if that person felt you accepted him or her fully. Acceptance is a gift that gives back.
Keep looking below surface appearances. Don't shrink from doing so (just) because you might not like what you find.
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