Let’s be honest; it’s rather easy to be busy. We all can think up a list of tasks that will overwhelm our schedules. Some might even think that their self-worth depends on the length of their to-do list. They flood the open spaces in their time with lists of meetings and minutia—even during times of stress and fatigue. Because they unnecessarily complicate their lives, they often feel increased frustration, diminished joy, and too little sense of meaning in their lives.
With apologies to Elder Neal A. Maxwell for daring to modify and enlarge something he once said, I too suggest that 'one's life ' cannot be both faith-filled and stress-free.' It simply will not work 'to glide naively through life,' saying as we sip another glass of lemonade, 'Lord, give me all thy choicest virtues, but be certain not to give me grief, nor sorrow, nor pain, nor opposition. Please do not let anyone dislike me or betray me, and above all, do not ever let me feel forsaken by Thee or those I love. In fact, Lord, be careful to keep me from all the experiences that made Thee divine. And then, when the rough sledding by everyone else is over, please let me come and dwell with Thee, where I can boast about how similar our strengths and our characters are as I float along on my cloud of comfortable Christianity.'12 My beloved brothers and sisters, Christianity is comforting, but it is often not comfortable. The path to holiness and happiness here and hereafter is a long and sometimes rocky one. It takes time and tenacity to walk it. But, of course, the reward for doing so is monumental. This truth is taught clearly and persuasively in the 32nd chapter of Alma in the Book of Mormon. There this great high priest teaches that if the word of God is planted in our hearts as a mere seed, and if we care enough to water, weed, nourish, and encourage it, it will in the future bear fruit 'which is most precious, ' sweet above all that is sweet,' the consuming of which leads to a condition of no more thirst and no more hunger.13 Many lessons are taught in this remarkable chapter, but central to them all is the axiom that the seed has to be nourished and we must wait for it to mature; we '[look] forward with an eye of faith to the fruit thereof.'14 Our harvest, Alma says, comes 'by and by.'15 Little wonder that he concludes his remarkable instruction by repeating three times a call for diligence and patience in nurturing the word of God in our hearts, 'waiting,' as he says, with 'long-suffering ' for the tree to bring forth fruit unto you.'
Once I learned this, it changed the way I talk with loved ones who are suffering. I no longer make vague offers like, “Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help.” This is a worthless offer. Basically, it says, “Here’s one more thing for you to think about—think about helping me feel helpful!” Instead, I teach them about the arithmetic of stress, then I hand them a pen and paper, and I say, “Write down EVERYTHING that’s on your stress list right now.” I sit with them and encourage them to work all the way down to the nit-picky 1s and 2s. When the list seems complete, I go to work. I don’t ask for permission. I take charge of all the fixable things on the list.
If you really want to be stressed, all you have to do is expect life and all the people in it, to think, behave, speak, and act the way you have predetermined they ”should.” If you hang on to your expectations, I can guarantee you plenty of stress and pain.