…more often than not, we don't speak up when we should. Sure, sometimes we bring up an issue at the wrong time or in the wrong way, but that's not the predominant mistake made in most families and companies. Going to silence is the predominant issue in these situations.
When you've gone to silence and are trying way too hard to convince yourself that you've done the right thing, you might want to examine whether you are intentionally minimizing the cost of not speaking up and exaggerating the risks of doing so.
At the heart of most decisions to stay quiet, even though we're currently suffering, lies the fear that we won't be able to make a difference, We believe that either other people or the circumstances themselves make the problem insoluble.
When you've gone to silence because you're afraid you're not skilled enough to have an accountability conversation, your assessment may be correct. If this is the case, enhance your skills. … When you're thinking about going to silence, ask yourself if you're copping out rather than making a reasoned choice.
Tell-tell signs that you should be speaking and not clamming up include the following four: Sign 1: You're acting out your feelings. You think you are suffering silently, but you're not. Sign 2: Your conscience is nagging you. Sign 3: You're downplaying the cost of not taking action, while exaggerating the dangers of speaking up. Sign 4: You figure that nothing you do will help.
Moral decline doesn’t come from individuals selling out to overwhelming temptation. It comes from the thousands of moments when people witness small compromises but say nothing.
Influence masters deal in healthy dialogue. Here are four things they do that make it safe to speak out against the majority. First, they don’t become righteously indignant and call everyone else idiots. Instead, they maintain a more humble stance. They say something like: “Hmm, I guess I see things differently—and in this case I’m the only one.” Two, they often ask for permission to speak their opinions. “Would it be okay if I shared a different view?” Three, they speak in tentative language, leaving room for disagreement. “I wonder if this is what’s going on here.” Four, and most important, setting all of their other ways aside, they always find a way to say something that indicates they disagree. They say something. They speak up.