Beast: I wanna do something for her. But what? Cogsworth: Well, there's the usual things. Flowers, chocolates, promises you don't intend to keep. Lumière: Ah, no no. It has to be something very special. Something that sparks her interest.
Batman: Babe look. If this relationship is ever going to work between us, I need to feel free to party with a bunch of strangers whenever I feel like it. Wyldstyle: What?
And we’ve gotten used to communication being instantaneous when a healthy relationship requires you to slow down and listen to each other.
Even brief text messages or chats on social media sites like Facebook can provide worthwhile chances to stay connected in established, quality relationships.
Earn the respect and confidence of your children through your loving relationship with them.
If you find yourself in a relationship where you are putting in all, or almost all of the effort it is a red flag that the other person either not right, or not ready.
...family and lending rarely mix. And they NEVER mix when the relationship is already unhealthy.
Relationships work when people understand what is and isn’t their role. For example, consider the parent of an adult child who lives in constant despair because his son isn’t living up to his potential (in the parent’s view). Let’s say the son is a plumber not a prime minister. The problem here isn’t the child, it’s the parent. The parent has a mistaken idea that his emotional needs must be met somehow through the son. He has made the son responsible for satisfying him. The end result of this role confusion is that the parent becomes a manipulative mess. And even worse, he suffers from recurring feelings of resentment, alienation, and powerlessness. Whenever you either take or impose responsibility where it doesn’t belong, you induce these unpleasant emotions in yourself, and embark on scheming projects that rarely bring results.
I’m sorry you don’t have the parent you want. And I assure you that what’s wearing you out is burning energy hoping for someone to show up the way you want rather than the way they are. Accept reality, make the right decisions, and you’ll be on your way to greater peace.
Let me suggest that many problem-solving discussions, no matter how well done, go poorly because the existing relationship between the parties is shallow and tortured. It’s hard to talk about performance gaps when you have no relationship with the other person save for the occasional problem-solving discussion.
Developing a genuine relationship makes a huge difference in your ability to talk to others about problems.
If you don’t interact with others very often, and if you don’t talk casually and personably when you do, you typically don’t have enough of a bank account to draw upon when talking about problems.
By becoming the self-appointed person in charge of holding the weak accountable, he had traded a relationship for a stewardship.
Granted, there are times when the person you’re dealing with is continually doing the wrong thing. You have to talk about a lot of unpleasant issues. It’s your responsibility. Nevertheless, you still have to worry about the tipping point. The more problems the person creates, the more you need to meet under different and healthier circumstances and the more you’ll have to choose your battles carefully. Otherwise, prepare to pay the price.
Problem-solving discussions are far more effective when you’ve taken time to create a social bank account. Maybe you don’t have to know the other person’s life history, but knowing more than his or her name and the problem that has brought you face-to-face can go a long way toward setting a healthy problem-solving climate.
It seems that when it matters most, we are often at our worst. As parents, we let our emotions get the best of us and we end up behaving in ways that are completely contrary to our good motives. And when we reflect on “What do I really want?” we often amend the question with the following words: from them. This approach is limiting. Our motive can’t be merely to have the other person change. We are better to reflect on what we really want for them. This is a stronger motive and one that will encourage dialogue and not provoke emotion.
CPR stands for Content, Pattern, and Relationship, and represents different types of issues that can be addressed in any conversation. Content is a single instance of a problem or concern and is best addressed when the issue first comes up. A Pattern issue is a continuation of the Content concern over a longer period of time. And Relationship is an issue that has changed the way you’re relating to another person. Often, Relationship issues result from Pattern issues left unchecked. Most of the chronic problems that people experience are not, I repeat, not Content in nature. They are Pattern or Relationship issues, usually with a heavy lean toward Relationship.
Our thoughts, too, depend on others. Consider how our minds are shaped fundamentally by the cultures into which we are born and the languages that we acquire through interactions with others.
Who we are is who we are with others.
We are always in relation, inescapably and reciprocally together, both affecting and being affected by others.
Their shift from an inward to an outward mindset illustrates how people are able to consider better possibilities when their mindsets are outward because they see beyond themselves…
Seeing others differently, they began thinking and behaving differently.
… people who choose to dismiss the needs and objectives of others end up searching for ways to justify that choice.
He drew a circle that shut me out—Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout; But love and I had the wit to win:We drew a circle that took him in!
Look around. And don't get close to people who make you suffer.
Beast: I wanna do something for her. But what?
Cogsworth: Well, there's the usual things. Flowers, chocolates, promises you don't intend to keep.
Lumière: Ah, no no. It has to be something very special. Something that sparks her interest.
Missing Reference