If you would win a man to your cause, first convince him that you are his sincere friend. Therein is a drop of honey that catches his heart, which, say what you will, is the great high-road to his reason, and which when once gained, you will find but little trouble in convincing his judgment of the justice of your cause.
Verbal persuasion is the least effective way to convince others. Personal experience is the gold standard for changing hearts and minds.
Since many conspiracy theories arise from feelings of uncertainty and fear, an angry debate will only cement the ideas, and open ridicule is even less constructive (see panel, below). Instead, the research shows that you should try to focus on the rhetorical devices and tricks of persuasion that have been used to spread the ideas in the first instance.
It would not be constructive to go into the conversation in a hostile manner, because this delegitimises their concerns and might alienate them even more.
There is no persuasion without contrast. No one ever bought a product because the seller said it’s the same as the competition’s. People want to feel they’re getting the best and you have to show why your product or point of view is better.
Pushing seems to be the simple answer for too many – a matter of getting the person from Point A to Point B. While it may initially bring numbers, will it bring lasting satisfaction? People want to buy; they do not want to be sold.
Persuasion through relieving fears is known in fancy-speak circles as “reducing reactance.” But the point is simply to find the real reasons for hesitation and then provide reassurances that what they sign up for is what they get – no surprises.
Today, in contrast, government bureaucrats write rule after rule after rule hoping to achieve a uniform, fault-free society. Following the tradition of Pharisees, they exponentially out-do their biblical-counterpart busybodies. Rather than a mere 613 rules (so many steps allowed on the Sabbath, and so forth), today the administrative state has smothered Americans with hundreds of thousands of regulations. Hundreds of thousands. And the list of do’s and don’ts in our rule-giddy society grows by the hour.
If you want to persuade, treat people as smart enough to govern themselves with principles rather than Pharisaical objects to be manipulated through tons of picky rules. Give them the latitude that comes with a guidance of principles. Help them enjoy being properly persuaded.
One of the reasons we fail to persuade others during crucial conversations is that we’ve spent too much time thinking about our conclusions and too little time laying out the data.
If you want to help someone come clean, it’s best to lay out the strongest case you can absent judgments, accusations, and other hot words.
The only person whose behavior you can control is you. And nothing makes you feel more like a victim than hanging your happiness on making others change. It absolves you of emotional responsibility as your moods become the product of others’ choices. You trade contentment for resentment. Not a great trade.
In a world of competing ideas, persuasion works better than coercion. Coercion is about pressure, power, winning, even trickery and threat, and cares about only one side. But persuasion entails honesty, mutual concern, authenticity, equal standing, freedom of thought, and a willingness to accept the responses of the other. Persuasion requires patience and acknowledges the slow workings of the mind and heart. But coercion wants everything now and pays little heed to the human nuances that get in the way.
People usually dismiss attempts at verbal persuasion but can’t so readily dismiss things they’ve experienced firsthand. These direct experiences are both more memorable and more meaningful.
Instead of waiting for some type of direct experience to present itself, design a process so that one of the very first, if not the first, activities you engage in are direct experiences.
If you would win a man to your cause, first convince him that you are his sincere friend. Therein is a drop of honey that catches his heart, which, say what you will, is the great high-road to his reason, and which when once gained, you will find but little trouble in convincing his judgment of the justice of your cause.