It is the parents' duty to intervene when they see wrong choices being made. That doesn't mean parents take from children the precious gift of agency. Because agency is a God-given gift, ultimately the choice of what they will do, how they will behave, and what they will believe will always be theirs. But as parents we need to make sure they understand appropriate behavior and the consequences to them if they pursue their wrongful course.
Remember, there is no such thing as unlawful censorship in the home. Movies, magazines, television, videos, the Internet, and other media are there as guests and should only be welcomed when they are appropriate for family enjoyment. Make your home a haven of peace and righteousness. Don't allow evil influences to contaminate your own special spiritual environment...
All are free to choose, of course, and we would not have it otherwise. Unfortunately, however, when some choose slackness, they are choosing not only for themselves, but for the next generation and the next. Small equivocations in parents can produce large deviations in their children! Earlier generations in a family may have reflected dedication, while some in the current generation evidence equivocation. Sadly, in the next, some may choose dissension as erosion takes its toll.
Your kids give you a chance to learn about how the world looks from someone who hasn’t been fully shaped by it. That should be an exciting educational opportunity for parents. I see that as one reason to have kids.
When you start looking at life through the lens of a 3-year-old, it's like your whole filter changes. Everything you look at is like a painting that's been restored. Everything is alive again, because you just don't take it for granted.
There is no task, however menial, connected with the care of babies, the nurturing of children, or with the maintenance of the home that is not his equal obligation. The tasks which come with parenthood, which many consider to be below other tasks, are simply above them.
When our sons were growing up, they enjoyed a very broad tolerance from their father toward their mischief and mistakes. But there was no tolerance for even the slightest disrespect toward their mother. And the question our daughters-in-law have heard most often from me has been, “Is he being good to you?”
Studies show—and stories of children affirm—that there are three key pieces of emotional nutrition our kids need to thrive: the love of their mother, the love of their father, and stability. When one of these three elements is missing, children can be emotionally malnourished. Wanting the love of your mother and father is not a social construct. It is a deep, primal, soul-level need.
Drill down into any social ill and you’ll see that children from broken families are over-represented in every single risk category. From drug abuse to suicide, incarceration to homelessness, children that are emotionally starving for love and a relationship with their mother and father contribute to our most pressing social issues. 71% of pregnant teens are fatherless. 63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes—5 times the average. 90% of all homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes—32 times the average. 47% of children living in poverty are fatherless—4 times higher than children with married parents. We put billions of dollars into social programs that seek to band-aid the gaping wound left by family break-down, and still our children are floundering. Why? Because the government cannot love a child.
The institutions of the Ruler are rooted in his own character and conduct...
Children need the emotional and personal strength that come from being raised by two parents who are united in their marriage and their goals. As one who was raised by a widowed mother, I know firsthand that this cannot always be achieved, but it is the ideal to be sought whenever possible.
The principle that priesthood authority can be exercised only under the direction of the one who holds the keys for that function is fundamental in the Church, but this does not apply in the family. For example, a father presides and exercises the priesthood in his family by the authority of the priesthood he holds. He has no need to have the direction or approval of one holding priesthood keys in order to perform his various family functions. These include counseling the members of his family, holding family meetings, giving priesthood blessings to his wife and children, or giving healing blessings to family members or others.3 Church authorities teach family members but do not direct the exercise of priesthood authority in the family. The same principle applies when a father is absent and a mother is the family leader. She presides in her home and is instrumental in bringing the power and blessings of the priesthood into her family through her endowment and sealing in the temple. While she is not authorized to give the priesthood blessings that can be given only by a person holding a certain office in the priesthood, she can perform all of the other functions of family leadership. In doing so, she exercises the power of the priesthood for the benefit of the children over whom she presides in her position of leadership in the family.4 If fathers would magnify their priesthood in their own family, it would further the mission of the Church as much as anything else they might do. Fathers who hold the Melchizedek Priesthood should exercise their authority 'by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned' (Doctrine and Covenants 121:41). That high standard for the exercise of all priesthood authority is most important in the family. Holders of the priesthood should also keep the commandments so they will have the power of the priesthood to give blessings to their family members. They should cultivate loving family relationships so that family members will want to ask them for blessings. And parents should encourage more priesthood blessings in the family.5
I have realized that one essential key to effective parenting is to reverse this order in expenditure of time and energy. In spite of the situation or circumstances, I must begin focusing my energy on helping things go right rather than on handling them once they have gone wrong.
..the more effective we are at training our children to make right choices, the easier it is to correct them when they don't. This is because the better we teach our children, the more correcting them becomes merely an extension of that teaching. The particular method of discipline we use will then matter less because: (1) we will be doing it less often, and (2) whichever method we use will feel to our children more like teaching and less like retribution. Far from seeing our children as irritations, or as disloyal and ungrateful burdens who require correction, we will begin to see them instead as children who have not yet learned. The emotional character of our correction will be loving and helpful rather than impatient and angry.
You will miss one of the deepest joys of this life and eternity if you willfully avoid the responsibilities of parenthood and home-building.
Hey, look, as much as I love doing music, being a parent is a thousand times better. No offense to music. Anybody that's ever been a parent knows there's nothing that beats that. I could live without music for the rest of my life. I can't life without my children for one second.
“When you go to earth, children, remember that once you are a parent you will always be a parent. Whether it be a grandparent, a great-grandparent, or a parent as I am. Your responsibilities to preside go on through the generations to assist in turning the hearts of the children to their fathers. Resist the temptation to be uninvolved, retiring from your family and doing your own thing. As grandparents, your wisdom and vision will allow you to draw together your whole family which I, the Lord, have given you.” (See Mosiah 2:5.)
Of all the joys of life, none other equals that of happy parenthood. Of all the responsibilities with which we struggle, none other is so serious. To rear children in an atmosphere of love, security and faith is the most rewarding of all challenges. The good result from such efforts becomes life’s most satisfying compensation.
Earn the respect and confidence of your children through your loving relationship with them.
In the functional family, the parents are very aware of the impact that they have on their children. Think of your children as a human blackboard. It is like they are standing in front of you, holding up their little personal blackboard, and saying to you 'write on it what you think of me', or 'write on it what you would like me to think of myself.' This is so powerful. You can have such an impact on your children by what you write on their blackboard.
In my work as a family therapist, I have seen the good results that come to families who have learned to lovingly give gifts of time rather than gifts of substance.
As any parent can testify, the pain associated with our mistakes is not simply the fear of our own punishment but the fear that we may have limited our children’s joy or in some way hindered them from seeing and understanding the truth. The glorious promise of the Savior’s atoning sacrifice is that as far as our mistakes as parents are concerned, He holds our children blameless and promises healing for them.30 And even when they have sinned against the light—as we all do—His arm of mercy is outstretched,31 and He will redeem them if they will but look to Him and live.32
Lehi then stated, “I beckoned unto them; and I also did say unto them with a loud voice that they should come unto me, and partake of the fruit.”16 Please note that Lehi did not leave the tree of life. He stayed spiritually with the Lord and invited his family to come where he was to partake of the fruit. The adversary would entice some to leave the joy of the gospel by separating Christ’s teachings from His Church. He would have us believe that we can stay firmly on the covenant path on our own, through our own spirituality, independent of His Church. In these latter days, Christ’s Church was restored in order to help Christ’s covenant children stay on His covenant path.
Thus parents, by humouring and cockering them when little, corrupt the principles of nature in their children, and wonder afterwards to taste the bitter waters, when they themselves have poison'd the fountain.
He that will have his son have a respect for him and his orders, must himself have a great reverence for his son.
You must do nothing before him, which you would not have him imitate.
Children have as much mind to shew that they are free, that their own good actions come from themselves, that they are absolute and independent, as any of the proudest of you grown men, think of them as you please.
Long discourses, and philosophical readings, at best, amaze and confound, but do not instruct children.
Much less are children capable of reasonings from remote principles. They cannot conceive the force of long deductions. The reasons that move them must be obvious, and level to their thoughts, and such as may be felt and touched.
The beauty or uncomeliness of many things, in good and ill breeding, will be better learnt, and make deeper impressions on them, in the examples of others, than from any rules or instructions can be given about them.
Beating is the worst, and therefore the last means to be us'd in the correction of children, and that only in the cases of extremity, after all gently ways have been try'd, and proved unsuccessful; which, if well observ'd, there will very seldom be any need of blows.
The only fence against the world is a thorough knowledge of it, into which a young gentleman should be enter'd by degrees, as he can bear it; and the earlier the better, so he be in safe and skillful hands to guide him.
And if he be too forward to venture upon his own strength and skill, and perplexity and trouble of a misadventure now and then, that reaches not his innocence, his health, or reputation, may not be an ill way to teach him more caution.
A father would do well, as his son grows up, and is capable of it, to talk familiarly with him; nay, ask his advice, and consult with him about those things wherein he has any knowledge or understanding. By this, the father will gain two things, both of great moment. The sooner you treat him as a man, the sooner he will begin to be one; and if you admit him into serious discourses sometimes with you, you will insensibly raise his mind above the usual amusements of youth, and those trifling occupations which it is commonly wasted in.
The reservedness and distance that fathers keep, often deprive their sons of that refuge which would be of more advantage to them than an hundred rebukes or chidings.
You have not that power you ought to have over him, till he comes to be more afraid of offending so good a friend than of losing some part of his future expectation.
Begin therefore betimes nicely to observe your son's temper; and that, when he is under least restraint, in his play, and as he thinks out of your sight. See what are his predominate passions and prevailing inclinations; whether he be fierce or mild, bold or bashful, compassionate or cruel open or reserv'd, &c. For as these are different in him, so are your methods to be different, and your authority must hence take measures to apply itself different ways to him.
And if you carefully observe the characters of his mind, now in the first scenes of his life, you will ever after be able to judge which way his thoughts lean, and what he aims at even hereafter, when, as he grows up, the plot thickens, and he puts on several shapes to act it.
Curiosity should be as carefully cherish'd in children, as other appetites suppress'd.
As to the having and possessing of things, teach them to part with what they have, easily and freely to their friends, and let them find by experience that the most liberal has always the most plenty, with esteem and commendation to boot, and they will quickly learn to practise it.
Covetousness, and the desire of having in our possession, and under our dominion, more than we have need of, being the root of all evil, should be early and carefully weeded out, and the contrary quality of a readiness to impart to others, implanted.
The next thing is by gentle degrees to accustom children to those things they are too much afraid of. But here great caution is to be used, that you do not make too much haste, nor attempt this cure too early, for fear lest you increase the mischief instead of remedying it.
Since the great foundation of fear is pain, the way to harden and fortify children against fear and danger is to accustom them to suffer pain.
How much education may reconcile young people to pain and sufference, the examples of Sparta do sufficiently shew; and they who have once brought themselves not to think bodily pain the greatest of evils, or that which they ought to stand most in fear of, have made no small advance toward virtue.
Inuring children gently to suffer some degrees of pain without shrinking, is a way to gain firmness to their minds, and lay a foundation for courage and resolution in the future part of their lives.
The softer you find your child is, the more you are to seek occasions, at fit times, thus to harden him. The great art in this is, to begin with what is but very little painful, and to proceed by insensible degrees, when you are playing, and in good humour with him, and speaking well of him: and when you have once got him to think himself made amends for his suffering by the praise is given him for his courage; when he can take pride in giving such marks of his manliness, and can prefer the reputation of being brave and stout, to the avoiding a little pain, or the shrinking under it; you need nor despair in time and by the assistance of his growing reason, to master his timorousness, and mend the weakness of his constitution.
The softer you find your child is, the more you are to seek occasions, at fit times, thus to harden him.
When by these steps he has got resolution enough not to be deterr'd from what he ought to do, by the apprehension of danger; when fear does not, in sudden or hazardous occurrences, decompose his mind, set his body a-trembling, and make him unfit for action, or run away from it, he has then the courage of a rational creature: and such an hardiness we should endeavour by custom and use to bring children to, as proper occasions come in our way.
One thing I have frequently observed in children, that when they have got possession of any poor creature, they are apt to use it ill: they often torment, and treat it very roughly, young birds, butterflies, and such other poor animals which fall into their hands, and that with a seeming kind of pleasure. This I think should be watched in them, and if they incline to any such cruelty, they should be taught the contrary usage. For the custom of tormenting and killing of beasts, will, by degrees, harden their minds even towards men; and they will delight in the suffering and destruction of inferior creatures, will not be apt to be very compassionate or benign to those of their own kind.
Children should from the beginning be bred up in an abhorrence of killing or tormenting any living creature; and be taught not to spoil or destroy any thing, unless it be for the preservation or advantage of some other that is nobler.
Children should not be suffer'd to lose the consideration of human nature in the shufflings of outward conditions. The more they have, the better humor'd they should be taught to be, and the more compassionate and gentle to those of their brethren who are placed lower, and have scantier portions.
I doubt not but one great reason why many children abandon themselves wholly to silly sports, and trifle away all their time insipidly, is, because they have found their curiosity baulk'd, and their inquiries neglected. But had they been treated with more kindness and respect, and their questions answered, as they should, to their satisfaction; I doubt not but that they would have taken more pleasure in learning, and improving their knowledge, wherein there would still be newness and variety, which is what they are delighted with, than in returning over and over to the same play and play-things.
To teach him betimes to love and be good-natur'd to others, is to lay early the true foundation of an honest man; all injustice generally springing from too great love of ourselves and too little of others.
Parenthood: Long days, short years.
Child-rearing research suggests that a “free-range childhood” fuels a sense of confidence and independence that can lead to superior accomplishment later in life. More than a few scholars are now suggesting that if you want your offspring to truly excel as adults, retire the helicopter—or at least give it a rest.
If Heavenly Father’s house is a house of order, if God organizes all the stars in heaven to follow precise orbits so that they might stand “for signs, and for seasons, and for days, and for years,” if He forms every creation to exist delicately in a balanced ecosystem, if by design He places all truth and intelligence into specified spheres so that they might act for themselves - why would God leave the placement of his children to chance?
Countless ages of premortal obedience and righteous living determine our children’s mortal placement, which, beyond every other consideration, is meant to reward them and to magnify their opportunity to advance toward exaltation. Even the difficulties they experience can serve to save and exalt them.
I feel blessed to have a worthy father who can provide priesthood blessings whenever I need them and who helps me to see my strengths and eternal potential, just as Lehi did when he blessed his children.
Salmon do the same thing...The young of the species are not conditioned to live in the completer world of their parents. Having developed sufficiently, they then enter that world. Later they breed. The fertilized eggs are buried in the sand, far up the river, where later they hatch.
Time goes 10 times faster when you have kids, and I just know that this time is so precious and something that you don't get back.
We safeguard our children until the time they can safeguard themselves.
As our children grow, they need information taught by parents more directly and plainly about what is and is not appropriate. Parents need to teach children to avoid any pornographic photographs or stories. Children and youth need to know from parents that pornography of any kind is a tool of the devil; and if anyone flirts with it, it has the power to addict, dull, and even destroy the human spirit.
Deliberate parents make family standards for their family to follow. A clearly defined family standard eliminates many conflicts before they even start.
When parents deliberately plan their standards and teach their children skills for good communication and proper respect, then their lives become simple. They avoid the emotional complexity of tantrums and the need to constantly repair damaged relationships.
It's better to prepare the child for the road than the road for the child.
In addition, you may help some youth who are in conflict with parents over things that are relatively unimportant.24 At a time when young people seem to have maximum conflict with their parents, the person who presides over their quorum and to whom they answer ecclesiastically is also the person to whom their parents go for temple recommends. This puts the bishop in a unique position to counsel both the youth and their parents when contention has created a division.
As you center your home on the Savior, it will naturally become a refuge not only to your own family but also to friends who live in more difficult circumstances. They will be drawn to the serenity they feel there. Welcome such friends into your home. They will blossom in that Christ-centered environment. Become friends with your children’s friends. Be a worthy example to them.
In reality, we are raising our children in enemy-occupied territory. The homes of our members must become the primary sanctuaries of our faith, where each can be safe from the sins of the world.
Speaking of this affluence, one youngster said: "Kids are caught between the values given them as desirable by their churches, schools, and parents on one hand and on the other the spectacle of mothers and fathers both working with great concentration to get 'things.'"
If you are still in the process of raising children, be aware that the tiny fingerprints that show up on almost every newly cleaned surface, the toys scattered about the house, the piles and piles of laundry to be tackled will disappear all too soon and that you will—to your surprise—miss them profoundly.
Stresses in our lives come regardless of our circumstances. We must deal with them the best we can. But we should not let them get in the way of what is most important—and what is most important almost always involves the people around us. Often we assume that they must know how much we love them. But we should never assume; we should let them know. Wrote William Shakespeare, “They do not love that do not show their love.” We will never regret the kind words spoken or the affection shown. Rather, our regrets will come if such things are omitted from our relationships with those who mean the most to us.
If I felt compelled to tell my children everything, I would pull no punches in relating the wretched state of the world, of existence, of my still-deepening resignation that nothing positive can be done about it. I would inflict the full brunt of my money worries, my health concerns, my (mostly irrational) worries about them. And this would leave them, what? Emotionally healthier than the children of parents who gifted them a moderately sugar-coated sense of the world?
Ultimately in raising children, our concern should always be with how we are shaping them. If we want to raise critical citizens, with a powerful sense that the world can be improved – and with a healthy suspicion of those in charge – the Santa myth is surely one mechanism through which this might possibly be achieved.
I don't believe in playing down to children, either in life or in motion pictures. I didn't treat my own youngsters like fragile flowers, and I think no parent should.
Most things are good, and they are the strongest things; but there are evil things too, and you are not doing a child a favor by trying to shield him from reality.
The important thing is to teach a child that good can always triumph over evil, and that is what our pictures attempt to do.
I have long felt that the way to keep children out of trouble is to keep them interested in things. Lecturing to children is no answer to delinquency. Preaching won't keep youngsters out of trouble, but keeping their minds occupied will.
My parents are my backbone. Still are. They're the only group that will support you if you score zero or you score 40.
My heroes are and were my parents. I can't see having anyone else as my heroes.
Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave when they think that their children are naive.
It is the parents' duty to intervene when they see wrong choices being made. That doesn't mean parents take from children the precious gift of agency. Because agency is a God-given gift, ultimately the choice of what they will do, how they will behave, and what they will believe will always be theirs. But as parents we need to make sure they understand appropriate behavior and the consequences to them if they pursue their wrongful course.
Missing Reference