When the dynamics are more about the personalities than possibilities, and it becomes us vs. them, it is exhausting. You can spend a great deal of time on distractions that lead nowhere or wounds that don’t heal.
There’s a saying about the public arena: “control the vocabulary and you control the debate.” Words frame the issue; they are the vehicle for meaning and emotion. Some words are incendiary. Some words are empathetic.
Consider how often issues are framed with that polarized framework, an over-simplified model that positions people at extremes.
A wise man once told me, in a debate of ideas, when your opponent resorts to personal attacks, you’ve won the debate.
But when you let the different opinions debate, when any skeptic can perform his or her own experiment to check some contention out, then the truth tends to emerge.
We can debate issues without degrading each other's character.
But whenever people mock and that's all they do I know they don't know how to deal with it intellectually it's a because if you can if you can demolish an argument intellectually why would you use mockery mockery make make you feel good but it is not persuasive you you have not used reason you have used insult and the like but it is it is not it is not an argument.
The man who cannot listen to an argument which opposes his views either has a weak position or is a weak defender of it. No opinion that cannot stand discussion or criticism is worth holding.
And it has been wisely said that the man who knows only half of any question is worse off than the man who knows nothing of it. He is not only one sided, but his partisanship soon turns him into an intolerant and a fanatic. In general it is true that nothing which cannot stand up under discussion and criticism is worth defending.
…if you are to fight these errors, you have to know the main arguments advanced in favor of them. You have to hear the Devil’s case, so to speak, presented as strongly as his case permits…You have to be sure you know on each issue what really is true and what is wrong with the arguments advanced for the erroneous position.
Deliberation and reasoned judgment require an atmosphere of restraint, an atmosphere of thoughtful disagreement...Deliberation without decorum is not deliberation at all. It is bickering.
It's a funny thing that questions that aren't properly answered don't go away.
"In a debate in which there are no shared standards, the loudest voice wins."
This simple formula—kindness, curiosity, common ground—will help you establish psychological safety. Once it’s clear you have safety, you can begin to disagree meaningfully.
Beware the sound of one hand clapping. Which was a way of saying if there's an argument on one side there's bound to be an argument on the other.
When you disagree, try to really listen to the other person rather than setting up your response, which research shows smart people tend to do