Writing, the art of communicating thoughts to the mind through the eye, is the great invention of the world...enabling us to converse with the dead, the absent, and the unborn, at all distances of time and space.
Study to apply your labor to advantage, and you will accomplish much more, without wearing yourselves out so fast. If you have to roll a log, cut down a tree, etc., study how to take advantage of the work. Contrive to accomplish your work with the least expenditure of strength.
The health of your teams and relationships can be measured by the lag time between seeing something and saying something.
Having a specific goal for “speaking up” will smoke out two kinds of people: People who don’t want to have to speak up and people who don’t want others to speak up to them.
I’m asked whether speaking up is an absolute virtue, whether people should always speak up, even when they think it might hurt them or their families...My answer is no. Instead, I suggest that people weigh the risks of speaking up against the risks of not speaking up.
Strong families cultivate an attribute of effective communication. They talk out their problems, make plans together, and cooperate toward common objectives. Family home evening and family councils are practiced and used as effective tools toward this end.
Natural languages, such as English are inherently ambiguous. "This is why the United States tax code is 3.4 million words long, but lawyers can still spend years arguing over what it really means."
Communication is life. It is the only vehicle we have for connecting meaningfully with others.
In today’s workplace few people give each other honest feedback.
Because few people will point out your flaws directly, it’s wise to attend to the “weak signals” you receive in unexpected moments or, frankly, from others who are brusque enough to confront you.
We think a lot about what we are going to say but not how we are going to say it.
Receiving feedback is a success life-hack. It allows us to improve much more quickly than we would otherwise. Those we consider to be great successes know the importance of receiving input on their performance. Feedback allows us to course correct right away, where it could take months or longer for us to figure out the problem on our own.
Nothing is more important to the relationship between family members than open, honest communication.
Our capacity to grow and to assist each other depends very much upon our being "willing to communicate." (1 Timothy 6:18) Communication includes proper measures of counsel, correction, and commendation. Since we depend upon each other to supply these ingredients in our lives, our insensitivity in communicating can be far more damaging than we realize. When we "pass by" others and "notice them not," a degree of deprivation occurs. (Mormon 8:39.) One of the ways, therefore, we will be "proved herewith" is our determination as to whether or not we love others enough to give and to receive such vital communications. We may quickly say that communicating thusly with those close to us is difficult; indeed, it is, but with whom else is it really possible? Are not the people proximate to us our tiny portion of humanity, given to us by God as our social stewardship? We can scarcely attain that attribute of sainthood—being "full of love" (Mosiah 3:19)—unless we are willing to communicate by giving and receiving appropriate counsel, correction, and commendation.
Yes, one of the great challenges of life is for us not to give justifiable offense, nor to be offended. This can be more easily avoided if our brotherhood and sisterhood are real—and if we are willing to communicate, including the difficult giving and receiving of counsel, correction, and commendation. Helping relationships always involve some weighty communications. The true Christian is a communicator.
It is so easy to pass by, especially when we are busy and when we are on the equivalent of the other side of the street. We are busy being busy. We are often actually less generous with our time than with our money. We keep forgetting where our time comes from!
Corrective counsel is facilitated when there is shared expectation that it will be given.
If we truly care about giving counsel and correction, in addition to taking the time to ponder beforehand the content and substance, we will make certain that our voice tone, bodily posture, and facial expression "are all enlisted," so that the moment draws the best out of us, in order to have the best chance of completing the communication circuit. Timing is often as crucial as content.
We ought to listen as carefully to those we supervise as to those who supervise us. You and I are usually pretty good at paying attention upward, but we are not nearly as good at heeding that which comes from other directions. Likewise, while parents are to teach their children, my, how we can learn from them at times!
We should, therefore, without being artificial, regularly give deserved, specific praise. One of the reasons for doing this is that we are all so very conscious of our shortcomings that it takes a persistent pattern of appreciation to finally penetrate. We are so certain, sometimes, we do not really have a particular skill or attribute that we severely discount praise. One of the reasons we need regular praise from "outside auditors" is to offset the low level of self-acknowledgment most of us have.
Commending communications ought to flow from us without too much concern with "the balance of trade." There is a straight and narrow path of communication, and off to each side are the perils and pitfalls of poor communication that is too caustic, too flattering, too little, too much, too general, too narrow, too soon, and too late. In the case of commendation in particular, sometimes it comes too late to be maximally helpful. Further, if we are not careful (and there is this tendency sometimes in the Church), we may be a little artificial and flowery. We are quick to discern undeserved praise, which we then discount—along with the credibility of the giver. Sometimes we even communicate too soon. We have all had the experience as parents of being so anxious to praise our children that we sometimes overpraise them before their job is done.
We ought to build a climate around us in which we are, in all situations, open to the comments of others. We should not make it too expensive emotionally for others to try to communicate with us. If it is too hard to do so, people will just pull back. If we are too well protected and too well defended, they are not going to extend themselves overmuch in an effort to communicate with us. It is difficult to say which is most dangerous—the mote in one's eye or the moat around his "castle" that keeps out the needed communications, involving correction, counsel, or commendation.
Perhaps our difficulties with receiving justified reproof stem from our thinking of love as being all sweetness. Love surely includes sweetness. But love must sometimes be tough love, sinew as well as sweetness. So it is with loving communication also.
If our efforts to communicate with someone are tied to their role rather than our regard for them, these efforts will not survive when that individual's role changes. If our friendship is a matter of function, what do we do when the function is changed or dissolved—cease caring? This is a bigger block to communication than we may care to acknowledge. While the blocks that seem to get in the way of brotherly communication include the obvious, much restraint no doubt reflects the fact that communication is not risk-free. Communication opens the windows of our soul—and what is inside will be seen. Communication, of course, needs to take careful account of the realities of our mortal relationships in order to avoid errors.
Thus one of the biggest blocks to Christian communication is that we are so afraid of being misunderstood. So, when in doubt, we withhold. Yet Paul said to speak the truth in love; we can then take the chance. We worry (and understandably so) that some communications will only produce more distance. But silence is very risky, too.
Usually, when we do not know somebody, it is difficult for us to trust them, and this becomes a restraint upon communication and growth. Opening the windows of the soul helps us to build healthy relationships. But if those windows are always closed or the blinds are drawn, it is difficult to help; one simply does not know what is needed.
Our self-esteem is stretched, however, only as we are stretched, and true humility includes believing in and exploring our own possibilities.
Besides, a neighbor is apt to hold to a view all the more until he has a chance to explain it. Counsel is more apt to be received after listening has occurred.
If we received a genuine and regular flow of deserved recognition and appreciation, we would be freed from the concerns over whether or not we are valued and whether or not we are going to get credit for something. We would know that we are valued—whether or not a particular idea of ours makes its way through the network successfully! When life is seen as good, a bad day can easily be absorbed.
Our pride should not hold us hostage when we have erred, nor should we mourn our mistakes for the wrong reasons. Yet correction, when it comes, is seldom welcome, and often the issue becomes "Can we take it?" Yet those who have proved that they can "take it" usually have so much to give!
Effective communication provides much of the material out of which rich relationships are made.
In the absence of counsel and correction we are left to learn in isolation—and isolation can be such a poor friend. Learning, in solo, is often retarded greatly by our pride. Even when we see that what we have done is wrong, it is difficult for us to adjust when left alone. Others can be very helpful to us in this process of making our regret productive.
When we brush off an opportunity to communicate, we may actually be brushing someone off the straight and narrow way.
Sometimes we need not declaim the actions of others so much as remind them of who they are and what they should be. Corrective communication, when inspired, can help us to face the facts about ourselves. This, in turn, can help us to face God by asking for His help in the changing of ourselves.
For instance, if one is impatient and patience is a requirement for sainthood, the Lord appears willing to have tribulation visited upon such so that he may learn patience—because it is a virtue that seems to be acquired in only one way. (See Mosiah 3:19; James 5:11; Romans 5:3; Romans 12:12; Mosiah 23:21; D&C 66:9; D&C 31:9.) Correcting circumstances, therefore, can be a form of divine communication to us
Paul, who suffered much, observed that "our light affliction . . . is but for a moment." (2 Corinthians 4:17.) The Prophet Joseph was told that his afflictions would be "but a small moment." (D&C 121:7.) Learning by correcting circumstances is apparently a process not to be hurried.
Let us in our ministry be nondiscriminatory in the giving of commendation. True, he who is down spirited needs to be lifted up. True, those who are fledglings in the faith may need extra encouragement and deserved, specific praise. But meanwhile, let us not forget the often unnoticed, faithful veterans, lest, like the son who stayed loyally at home and saw the banquet and benefactions given to the prodigal son, the faithful wonder if they are truly appreciated. Let us not assume that another has no need of commendation. Let us give it even if the other does not seem to need it, for we need to give commendation in any event.
Let us never unwittingly turn others in the direction of the praise of the world merely because they are so starved for the praise of the righteous!
When parents deliberately plan their standards and teach their children skills for good communication and proper respect, then their lives become simple. They avoid the emotional complexity of tantrums and the need to constantly repair damaged relationships.
They converse with each other, thereby never letting little things become big things. They talk early about the “little hurts” with little fear of offending. In this way, when the pressure in the kettle builds and the whistle goes off, there is no explosion of bitter feelings. It is so much better to let off a little steam before the top blows off the pressure cooker.
And it’s not simply a question of whether or not to bring up a particular topic, but also how to do it in way that’s positive and impactful. I find that when people are facing this, and similar challenges, they merge these two separate and distinct questions into one. And since they usually don’t have a good response to how to be positive and impactful, they easily dismiss the answer regarding whether to bring up the topic in the first place.
You’ve discovered one of the biggest challenges with checking out potential undiscussables: right in the middle of discussing an undiscussable, new undiscussables emerge. This is why these types of interactions can become really tricky, really quickly.
CPR stands for Content, Pattern, and Relationship, and represents different types of issues that can be addressed in any conversation. Content is a single instance of a problem or concern and is best addressed when the issue first comes up. A Pattern issue is a continuation of the Content concern over a longer period of time. And Relationship is an issue that has changed the way you’re relating to another person. Often, Relationship issues result from Pattern issues left unchecked. Most of the chronic problems that people experience are not, I repeat, not Content in nature. They are Pattern or Relationship issues, usually with a heavy lean toward Relationship.
For the challenge to communicate is the dilemma of our age—even the opportunity of our generation.
He drew a circle that shut me out—Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout; But love and I had the wit to win:We drew a circle that took him in!
How well we communicate is determined not by how well we say things, but how well we are understood.
Writing, the art of communicating thoughts to the mind through the eye, is the great invention of the world...enabling us to converse with the dead, the absent, and the unborn, at all distances of time and space.
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