Our capacity to grow and to assist each other depends very much upon our being "willing to communicate." (1 Timothy 6:18) Communication includes proper measures of counsel, correction, and commendation. Since we depend upon each other to supply these ingredients in our lives, our insensitivity in communicating can be far more damaging than we realize. When we "pass by" others and "notice them not," a degree of deprivation occurs. (Mormon 8:39.) One of the ways, therefore, we will be "proved herewith" is our determination as to whether or not we love others enough to give and to receive such vital communications. We may quickly say that communicating thusly with those close to us is difficult; indeed, it is, but with whom else is it really possible? Are not the people proximate to us our tiny portion of humanity, given to us by God as our social stewardship? We can scarcely attain that attribute of sainthood—being "full of love" (Mosiah 3:19)—unless we are willing to communicate by giving and receiving appropriate counsel, correction, and commendation.
Yes, one of the great challenges of life is for us not to give justifiable offense, nor to be offended. This can be more easily avoided if our brotherhood and sisterhood are real—and if we are willing to communicate, including the difficult giving and receiving of counsel, correction, and commendation. Helping relationships always involve some weighty communications. The true Christian is a communicator.
It is so easy to pass by, especially when we are busy and when we are on the equivalent of the other side of the street. We are busy being busy. We are often actually less generous with our time than with our money. We keep forgetting where our time comes from!
We should, therefore, without being artificial, regularly give deserved, specific praise. One of the reasons for doing this is that we are all so very conscious of our shortcomings that it takes a persistent pattern of appreciation to finally penetrate. We are so certain, sometimes, we do not really have a particular skill or attribute that we severely discount praise. One of the reasons we need regular praise from "outside auditors" is to offset the low level of self-acknowledgment most of us have.
Commending communications ought to flow from us without too much concern with "the balance of trade." There is a straight and narrow path of communication, and off to each side are the perils and pitfalls of poor communication that is too caustic, too flattering, too little, too much, too general, too narrow, too soon, and too late. In the case of commendation in particular, sometimes it comes too late to be maximally helpful. Further, if we are not careful (and there is this tendency sometimes in the Church), we may be a little artificial and flowery. We are quick to discern undeserved praise, which we then discount—along with the credibility of the giver. Sometimes we even communicate too soon. We have all had the experience as parents of being so anxious to praise our children that we sometimes overpraise them before their job is done.
We ought to build a climate around us in which we are, in all situations, open to the comments of others. We should not make it too expensive emotionally for others to try to communicate with us. If it is too hard to do so, people will just pull back. If we are too well protected and too well defended, they are not going to extend themselves overmuch in an effort to communicate with us. It is difficult to say which is most dangerous—the mote in one's eye or the moat around his "castle" that keeps out the needed communications, involving correction, counsel, or commendation.
If we received a genuine and regular flow of deserved recognition and appreciation, we would be freed from the concerns over whether or not we are valued and whether or not we are going to get credit for something. We would know that we are valued—whether or not a particular idea of ours makes its way through the network successfully! When life is seen as good, a bad day can easily be absorbed.
Let us in our ministry be nondiscriminatory in the giving of commendation. True, he who is down spirited needs to be lifted up. True, those who are fledglings in the faith may need extra encouragement and deserved, specific praise. But meanwhile, let us not forget the often unnoticed, faithful veterans, lest, like the son who stayed loyally at home and saw the banquet and benefactions given to the prodigal son, the faithful wonder if they are truly appreciated. Let us not assume that another has no need of commendation. Let us give it even if the other does not seem to need it, for we need to give commendation in any event.
Let us never unwittingly turn others in the direction of the praise of the world merely because they are so starved for the praise of the righteous!