To broach (a difficult topic) or not to broach—that is the question. Or even better, how to broach without reproach? And it’s not simply a question of whether or not to bring up a particular topic, but also how to do it in way that’s positive and impactful. I find that when people are facing this, and similar challenges, they merge these two separate and distinct questions into one. And since they usually don’t have a good response to how to be positive and impactful, they easily dismiss the answer regarding whether to bring up the topic in the first place. In essence we think, “I’m not sure I’d be able to address - fill in your concern here - so it’s probably not worth bringing up.” We choose to “live” with the situation despite the negative consequences.... The outcome from either choice seems to have a big downside....In Crucial Conversations, we describe the pull toward these two alternatives as choosing between silence and violence....regardless of which you choose, you lose. So we end up choosing the more palatable option out of two bad alternatives - silence. Essentially, this means we’ve lost from the outset, before we’ve even taken any action. By choosing silence, we believe that we’re voting in favor of maintaining the relationship while really undermining the relationship we’re trying so hard to maintain.

Steve Willis