Without really intending to, we’ve created an undiscussable. We find it's better to keep the peace and endure the occasional irritation than have yet another blowup. We lose hope that it will ever get resolved. We live with uncomfortable silence and sometimes pain. To effectively dialogue, you must make it safe for the other person to talk with you. Resolving undiscussables requires an extra portion of safety because, almost by definition, undiscussables are created by a lack of safety which pushes participants into silence and violence. It takes a lot of safety to initially engage in an undiscussable and even more safety to see it through to completion.
Many leaders assume the problem with poor performers is they lack motivation; therefore, the obvious way to fix the problem is to motivate their employees. However, motivation is only one of three possible causes of poor performance. It is also possible that the employee wants to perform but is unable to do so because of a lack of skills, knowledge, or resources.
To try and skill up the unmotivated is a waste of time and resources. To motivate the unable only creates depression, not progress.
Why do so many struggle so hard to achieve their goals and ultimately fail? One of the most important factors in the success or failure of our efforts to change our behavior and improve our lives has to do with the friends we keep.
In order to be successful, I knew I had to create a personal network filled with successful people.
But, perhaps even more important than who you include in your network is who you exclude.
Take an honest inventory of your friends and accomplices. We are surrounded by people. Some have little or no influence on our efforts to achieve our goals. These are neutral acquaintances. Some people could help us reach our goals. These positive influences are “friends”. Some people in our social environment are “accomplices”. They help us get into trouble. They help us fail to become the person we want to be. Make a list of the people in your life and identify which of these categories most correctly describe the influence they are likely to have on your efforts to succeed.
Remove yourself from the influence of those who could cause you to fail.
Another common mistake leaders make is to put our concern about individuals above all other people in the organization. We often hold on to problematic individuals or underperformers at the expense of fellow teammates.
People are respect radars. If they sense disrespect, that becomes issue number one and everything else is backburner.
Having respectfully listened and checked your understanding, you have earned the right to be understood and created the respectful conditions that make it more likely they will listen to you.
When you talk with others where there is the possibility of contention, you rely on principle, skill and strategy, and, even if you follow all of these practices, you cannot always guarantee the outcome you desire. Sometimes silence is best.
Too often we, as leaders, treat individuals as cogs in the machine—interchangeable parts to be hired and used. Sometimes we use them up, discard them, and hire some more. This is the danger of literally believing the label that people are only “human resources.” Your concern for the individual is an important starting point for solving this problem.
When we allow someone to stay in their position and it results in others being abused, team values being sacrificed, and work being inefficient, it’s not compassion, it’s negligence. The difficult challenge of leadership requires balancing our concern for all the stakeholders and working through their often conflicting needs.
At a minimum, direct reports deserve their leader’s honest evaluation of their work. They deserve targeted, behaviorally specific feedback, and improvement suggestions. Anything less shortchanges the individual and undercuts team and organizational effectiveness.
Responsible leaders care about their people—the one and the many. They don’t callously fire individuals, nor do they allow a single employee to disrespect, abuse, or negatively impact others. They don’t demand change without helping people have the means to change and reasonable time to do it. Responsible leaders give actionable feedback and recognize progress. And they follow through.
Your success in achieving New Year’s resolutions has less to do with your personal willpower and more to do with controlling the sources of influence that push you toward success or failure. The people in your life are often your most important source of influence.
Without really intending to, we’ve created an undiscussable. We find it's better to keep the peace and endure the occasional irritation than have yet another blowup. We lose hope that it will ever get resolved. We live with uncomfortable silence and sometimes pain.
To effectively dialogue, you must make it safe for the other person to
talk with you. Resolving undiscussables requires an extra portion of
safety because, almost by definition, undiscussables are created by a
lack of safety which pushes participants into silence and violence. It
takes a lot of safety to initially engage in an undiscussable and even
more safety to see it through to completion.