Being honest has nothing to do with being angry, hurtful, mean, or ?letting off steam.? Showing those emotions has nothing to do with honesty, but for some reason, we equate them with each other. Being more honest is about being more clear, more specific, more sincere, and more authentic.
Due to the sheer number of tasks that are likely on your list, there are some items I?m going to encourage you to procrastinate. Yes, that?s right. But I won?t call it procrastination?I?ll call it incubating. Procrastination is not doing something and then feeling bad about it. Incubation, on the other hand, is not doing something and feeling good about it. There are a lot of items on your list you may want to accomplish at some point but you aren?t committed to any immediate actions or timelines. You should put these items on a separate list.
I find that people accept ?no? much better when you respond to their request with respect for them and their needs. Ask them questions to clarify what they need. Let them know you understand why their request is important and that you want to be helpful. Then, take five minutes to help them brainstorm alternative solutions (that don?t involve you) that could yield similar or better results.
If your story is wrong about a situation, you have no right to get angry. If your story is correct about a situation, you have no reason to get angry. Therefore, there?s no need to get angry or upset. Getting upset in response to someone letting you down undermines your credibility and your ability to influence them.
As you try to understand what might be contributing to your peer?s bad behavior, consider these possible factors: Are they motivated to change? Do they have the skills and knowledge to change? Are others modeling the bad behavior or suggesting it?s ?normal? or ?ok?? Are there incentives to the bad behavior? Do they have the tools to adopt the desired behavior? Are policies and processes making it difficult to change? Asking these questions is not about looking for excuses. Like a doctor, you?re trying to diagnose by identifying personal, social, and environmental factors that may be contributing.