Believing, behaving, and serving Saints want desperately to obey Heavenly Father and, in doing so, serve their fellowman. Those with a high tolerance for trials are willing to give and give and give until they have nothing left to give. Such a sacrifice is not helpful to the kingdom. It’s okay to give and give, but please stop short of giving until you have nothing left to give. Save some energy. This way you will remain useful and won’t become a service project yourself.
Devoted Church leaders, among all people on this earth, must grow comfortable saying no when situations push them beyond their means. You will be asked to serve by folks who are completely unaware of your limitations and may be astounded to discover such limitations exist. Since you’re the only one who knows your own limitations, you are the one responsible for keeping yourself healthy so you have the capacity to continue to serve.
There’s nothing evil about saying no to obligations that may take away the energy needed to serve in another capacity that is either a higher priority or something only you can do.
A little-known character in the Book of Mormon teaches us a big lesson about honoring our limitations. In Alma chapter 50, Nephihah, the second chief judge of the Nephites, dies. Verses 37 and 38 teach us two things about Nephihah. One, he filled the judgment seat with perfect uprightness before God. Two, he had refused to take possession of the sacred records. I don’t know why Nephihah refused to take possession of the records, but apparently doing so did not make him a wicked person. He fulfilled the judgment seat with perfect uprightness, even though he refused to keep the sacred records. He gave what he could but also acknowledged his limitations. We learn from Nephihah that we are not evil people simply because we have limitations. We need not be ashamed of our limitations nor deny ourselves the rest we require.
Shel Silverstein’s book The Giving Tree tells the story of a tree who always says yes. Can I climb your branches? Yes. Can I sell your apples? Yes. Can I cut down your trunk? Yes. The poor tree has nothing left to give at the end of the story. The tree then offers herself as a seat to sit on. She gives and gives until she has nothing left to give. Now, that’s fine and dandy for the boy who sits on the stump, but what about the tree?
Does Heavenly Father want one of his children to sacrifice herself until she becomes a stump, just so another one of his children can see the world? I believe Heavenly Father cares as much about you and your health as he does about the person who may ask you to give beyond your means. You have a responsibility to take good care of you.
The biggest challenge that faces devoted and faithful servants is knowing when to say “when.” Even those who rate the highest on a “tolerance for trials” scale eventually reach their limits. Those who are valiant and true will give their last breath to build up the kingdom of God. However, you undoubtedly don’t want the next breath you take, or your spouse takes, to be the last. Thus it becomes necessary to serve within your means.
Some people are embarrassed that they have limitations. They feel guilty that they can’t do all the things that are asked of them. Rather than accepting their limitations and feeling content with themselves, even though they have limitations, they feel they have to apologize for their limitations. Do you find that whenever you have to tell someone “no” you generally include an explanation for your answer? You may say something meek like, “I’d love to but I can’t, because . . .” Notice that when you say, “I can’t” (as if you have no agency), the “I can’t” is usually followed by a reason: “because I have to work/travel/baby-sit/study.” Notice that you find it easier to say no when you have something else to do. It is difficult to simply say no without an excuse, legitimate or lame.
Believing, behaving, and serving Saints want desperately to obey Heavenly Father and, in doing so, serve their fellowman. Those with a high tolerance for trials are willing to give and give and give until they have nothing left to give. Such a sacrifice is not helpful to the kingdom. It’s okay to give and give, but please stop short of giving until you have nothing left to give. Save some energy. This way you will remain useful and won’t become a service project yourself.