Drew Carey Quotes - 19 quotes

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Drew Carey

Drew Carey is an American actor, comedian, and game show host. He was born on May 23, 1958, in Cleveland, Ohio. He gained fame with his own sitcom, "The Drew Carey Show," which aired from 1995 to 2004. Carey is also well-known for hosting the improv comedy show "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" and the ga... show more

quote icon I tell you one thing my family taught me. I'm really glad I have a family that loves me. They taught me to think positive all the time, that's the main thing. Don't you think so in life? Positive thinking. I'm a big believer in that. I think positive even about the worst stuff, let me tell ya. Like if I read about a guy, a disgruntled employee, going back to where he used to work with a machine gun, killing everybody. I read stuff like that and think "Hey! At least they're hiring!"

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quote icon I'll do one other quick impression. This is my impression of a man in a hurry. (tie over his shoulder) I like to have fun, if you want to have fun, and you wear a tie to work every day, here's what you do. Put a little wire in your tie, and some tape in the back like I have. So all it is a coat hanger in here, some duct tape to make it stick. And say you're driving home through a 35 mile an hour zone. And see a cop driving by 35 miles per hour. Just pull up along side him doing 34. Hey bud, how you doing? (tie over his shoulder) "I know the guy is speeding, I can't figure it out." Here's a man falling out of a building (tie over his forehead)

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quote icon Yeah. I know what I look like, thanks. People just staring at me. It's OK. People laugh at me all the time cuz they say I look that guy in the back of the comic books for x-ray specs.

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quote icon I can't believe it. I don't know if you have drive through liquor stores where you live, but I can't believe these things are legal. If you've never seen one, this is what it is. Drive-though liquor store, it's a big liquor store with the window on the side where you can just drive up and buy Jack Daniels and beer and everything while you're driving. Yeah, great idea huh! Just the thing for that drunk driver who's constantly on the go. No time to stop at a real bar, I've got things to do today pal. Places to go, people to hit. I'm a busy man. Yeah, there's just not enough hours in the day to hit everybody I wanna hit. Christmas time "Up on the sidewalk, bump, bump, bump."

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quote icon I really enjoy just bad food. Denny's has my favorite thing on the menu, it's a hot dog with cheese and bacon. Yeah, not enough nitrates in a hot dog, gotta put some bacon on top of there. For an extra dollar they'll put chili on top of the whole thing! For people who don't care anymore! I'll tell ya man, that's a power meal. Chili dog with cheese and bacon, that's power food. I don't care what you say, power meal. That's the kind of food that just marches right down your throat ya know. "Follow me boys, we're going to the heart! What is that, lettuce? Get the hell out of my way. You, chili, come with me we're going to the colon. Quick before he gets home, come on!" Quick before he gets home, not even kidding around about that part. You eat a chili dog from Denny's man it's like a race with the devil to get back to your house.

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quote icon I've got my high school reunion coming up. I don't know if you've ever been to one of those. Don't go. It's too much pressure man. That's a lot of stress, high school reunion. You get that letter in the mail and right away you feel like you only have six months to make something of yourself! Like "come on seven!" (gambling, rolling dice) "Daddy needs to lose weight and get a new career. Come on!" I'm the only one that still looks like his graduation pictures unless I'm pretty happy. I know it's funny and everything, but I just don't think looking like this is worth that one joke.

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quote icon I'd buy joke books and try doing them at school; I always had jokes. That would be my go-to thing at parties: I'd be able to get through them if I just told enough jokes. Otherwise, I wouldn't end up talking to anybody.

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quote icon I looked at game show hosting as the bottom of the totem pole, one step away from infomercials. I never watched them myself. However, it's been a lot of fun.

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quote icon I've got to say that I don't see myself as some sort of political type like Alec Baldwin or Barbra Streisand. I don't want to come across like that.

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quote icon I don't know, people take chances on stage. It's a big free speech zone, a comedy show. So sometimes things happen, you say things that are a little bit off the edge.

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quote icon Sometimes I like [being famous], sometimes I don't. I've always been a people watcher. I like to go to malls and just sit, and I can't do that very easily anymore.

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quote icon Libertarians are conservatives who still get high.

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quote icon I see my face in the mirror and go, 'I'm a Halloween costume? That's what they think of me?'

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quote icon Reality shows always look for the worst people.

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quote icon There's nothing like the energy in a small comedy club room or a small theater when it's going really well. I can see everybody's face practically in the whole room. There's no cameras in the way, and it's just me.

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quote icon Living in Hollywood, you can get disconnected from everybody.

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quote icon TV is easier: it's all planned out for you, and the audience is there to see a show and they are all pumped up, but when you are in a comedy club, you have to be really funny to win them over. To me, that's more pure.

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quote icon I just try to get people to laugh - I'm not trying to change the world or anything.

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quote icon The difference between Las Vegas and Atlantic City is the difference between getting conned by a beautiful call girl and getting mugged by a crack head.

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