Being a rescuer is very hard. We see the worst in people, also the best. We take broken little creatures that everyone else discarded and bring them back to health, but sometimes, the damage is too much. We see them get better and we see them die. Yet, I would not change being a rescuer for anything in the world. All the heartaches, all the tears, all the sorrow, never having a penny to our name. I would take them all for a kiss and a binky.
"Is there anything in permaculture that teaches us about dealing with grief? My oldest son passed away last year and I'm having a difficult time moving on. I haven't worked on any of my projects, really. In many ways, I feel like my life has ended." I do not think you can recover from such a loss and still be the same person you were. I don't say this to make you sadder, it is simply what I have experienced myself. The grief, oh, it changed me. I am still not the same person I was, I don't think I ever will. I have become more purposeful, more solemn, more faithful, more in ways that I would have never become if I had not suffered my loss. I have learned to live with a part of myself missing and very grudgingly embraced this other me that I wish had never happened. I have been able to find new joys but others died and were buried with the one I lost. Yet, I have a brightness of hope that I will see him again one day and that keeps me going. I am so sorry you have to go through this, because, yes, in many ways, your life has ended. There is another you waiting to be found. I promise you, she is there. You may not like her at first, but eventually, you will learn to embrace this stranger, this "after" you. You will never be the same because a piece of you is missing and you have to learn to love this broken thing that is you now.
I am so very sorry for your loss. It is such a sucker punch to lose someone you love. Give yourself as much time to grieve as you need to. You do not owe anyone any explanations. You will let go of some things that brought you joy, hobbies, even people. It is ok to do this, you are not the same person. For me, there was a "before" my loved one died and the after. I am no longer the person I used to be. But I have been able to find joy again and to look back and smile without crying anymore, or at least not as much. The grief, I do not think it goes away, but you are able to treat it like a pearl, and little by little, you are able to envelop the grief in memories and love, and then it turns into something beautiful and yours only. And you breathe again and want to live. Sending you many hugs ❤
I have been feeling down today and was reading a post about heartwarming moments when other people had been given the kindness and service of others, and I realize that many of those stories could have been written about me. I was reading and I thought, I had done that for this person, and another, I did that for so and so, and it went on for several more of the stories and I realized, I am not doing too badly in this life, and those are moments that I had not thought about for a long time. It is a good thing to remind ourselves of the service we have given, not to boast, but to be grateful we had them. If you are serving others, you are in the service of your God" https://www.moneymade.com/lifestyle/heartwarming-moments/26?story=5&utm_source=sw&utm_medium=made_fb_sw_acmmsw1_hwarm_d_broad_SD10&fbclid=IwAR1-pWBdk3MGBEqTCvi_RSl5Dw24DVopExtyUV16TOF2XTwyWG3qPZME9rA