Much of the work of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is to identify and change unhelpful thinking patterns and to develop plans for coping through one’s actions.
It’s possible that some of your internal dialogue might be bringing you down.
If you stop and pay closer attention to your thoughts, you may notice that some of them are negatively skewed or patterned. If you were to say them out loud, they might contain words such as ‘never’, ‘always’ or ‘should’.
In treatment sessions, I often spend time with my patients working to shift their thoughts to what they do have, versus what they don’t have.
People have a natural tendency to focus on whatever confirms a negative feeling. If you are feeling lonely, your mind may be hyper-focused on all the time you spend alone and the people you aren’t hearing from. So it may be useful to try to purposefully shift toward identifying the things you do have, which could take the form of making a list, keeping a journal, or just saying those things out loud to yourself. It can be as simple as: I woke up today, my coffee was hot, and my cabinets were full, or as elaborate as you find helpful.
Initiating routine contacts with people you care about is another positive action you can take to combat loneliness.
To combat the loneliness that can stem from changes such as retirement or having an empty nest, think about revamping your sense of purpose: how might you find new ways to contribute to the lives of others? After the rush of mid-life has subsided, the purpose of each day is often in our own hands, and I encourage you to see that as empowering.
Even brief text messages or chats on social media sites like Facebook can provide worthwhile chances to stay connected in established, quality relationships.
I recommend that you examine your daily and weekly routines, and make adjustments as needed.
Depression can manifest as feeling sad, hopeless or empty. If you’re experiencing depression, you may find yourself tearful or feel on the edge of tears often. Depressed mood can also disrupt your appetite and sleep.
Anxiety can show up in your daily life as a feeling of unease or doom – as if something bad is about to happen.
But once you recognize that certain thoughts are unhelpful, you can take steps to manage them. Either distracting yourself from thoughts such as these or coming up with some counter-thoughts will likely help.
The goal here is to weave an emotional thread between the two of you, one that makes you feel more connected despite being apart day to day.
Don’t underestimate the power of routines.
Much of the work of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is to identify and change unhelpful thinking patterns and to develop plans for coping through one’s actions.