People reject deals that they perceive as unfair.
That begs the question of how to find out what they really want. Here’s where your empathy (or at least curiosity) comes into play.
Along with asking questions, you want to answer questions. People wrongly advise you to listen more than you should talk. But that means you aren’t doing an equally good job answering their questions.
Neither party can come up with creative solutions without a deep understanding of the other side’s interests.
Mistake #1—Don’t start with an extreme anchor. If you offer me $400 for something I know is worth $3,000, I’ll know you are trying to take advantage of me.
I want to change how people negotiate. If parties can agree upfront to split the pie, they can focus their attention on working together to make a bigger pie. This allows parties to put their natural curiosity and empathy to work expanding the pie. They don’t have to watch their back and worry about being taken advantage of as they’ve already solved the contentious part—they’ve agreed to split the gains they create together.
My goal in a negotiation is to give the other side what they want. This isn’t because I’m nice or a softie. It’s because if they can get what they want, then I can get what I want.
Making the other side’s case is the best way to demonstrate that you do indeed understand their position.
We turned a negotiation into a data exercise. And then we found ways to make the pie bigger.
People dislike negotiation, and with good reason. They go up against jerks who make low-ball offers, ultimatums, and try to take advantage of them. Some people feel they have to act like a jerk in response. Others are too nice and give away the store. There’s a better way, an approach that brings principles and logic into the negotiation.
The pie is the additional value created through an agreement to work together. The notion of “dividing the pie” is commonplace in negotiations. But most people split the wrong pie; they focus on the total amount, not the gain created by an agreement. As a result, they argue over the wrong numbers and issues, and take positions they perceive as reasonable but are, in fact, self-interested.
Mistake #2—A negotiation is not like being read your Miranda warning. While you have the right to remain silent, don’t. Along with asking questions, you should answer questions. This isn’t just as a matter of reciprocity. If the other side doesn’t know what you truly want, they can’t give it to you.
People reject deals that they perceive as unfair.